Yes, I still think Netanyahu needs to chill.
From the drafts because WHERE ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO GO?
This post has been sitting in my drafts since December. There were a lot of reasons why I didn’t post. Mostly, I didn’t want to offend or hurt anyone. But since then, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about all the things I don’t say and feeling that restriction in my body. This is me clearing my throat chakra.
We sat down for dinner over the holiday week and started talking about California and all the ways that it had changed over the years. One of us brought up an old hangout that in its prime was beautiful, and full of life. It looks like a war zone, someone said. Taking in the scene around me, a long table surrounded by loving family, plates full of food, glasses filled with wine, and our children playing on the sheepskin near the fireplace, I could only think of Gaza and how lucky we all were to have no experience with war. Is that the way you want to describe it?
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When I try to share my opinion on what is going on in Gaza, I’m met with a lot of resistance. You are uninformed, you are not Jewish, you are not Palestinian. This isn’t about you. I’m met with a lot of questions. Why say anything when it will only cause conflict? Why bother talking about it when what you think doesn’t matter? There is this overarching idea that nothing we feel about the world matters if we cannot directly influence the outcome, or if we are not personally affected by what is happening. In a way, I agree. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy thinking about things I have no control over and it hasn’t done me or anyone else any good. But here I am thinking about it and writing about it, too.
It’s hard to watch so many lives being lost people being murdered while I sit in my house next to my beautiful children who have not been buried in rubble. It is hard to watch so many lives being destroyed while I answer texts and phone calls from family members who have not been killed or taken hostage. All of it is hard to digest when I am so physically removed from any threat of violence that the constant stream of images is starting to lose its effect on me. I have seen so many ashen children on my news feed, so many buildings turned to piles of concrete, so many photos of hostages that it is becoming both harder and easier to witness. While I scroll by, trying not to notice the pain or feel anything too strongly, my body is doing it for me, remembering it all so that I can process it later, when I least expect it.
It’s easy to call for peace, to demand a cease-fire. When I hear the wailing of inconsolable mothers who are holding the limp bodies of their children, it is easy to denounce Netanyahu, to say enough is enough. It is easy to say that after thousands and thousands of dead Palestinians, the October 7th attacks have been avenged. It is easy to say, get the hostages and get out. But then I think, then what?
When I remember that Hamas is recognized as a terror organization and has vowed to annihilate Israel, I think that maybe there is no other option. Maybe they need to do it this way because Hamas will stay committed to destroying Israel. Maybe it is necessary for Israel to retaliate like this, to take thousands of lives and traumatize hundreds of thousands more to protect its state. But it feels wrong. I can’t stand behind it.
I know this is not my fight. I have no way to understand what it means to fight for my own existence. I can only take what I know to be true about life and liberty and let it shape my view of a decades old conflict that I am forced to witness. The suffering is palpable. The pain that comes from brutal, unexpected loss can be felt through the screen. I grieve for those killed on October 7th. The attack on Israel was horrendous and unforgivable. Retaliation against Hamas is necessary. But the abundant loss of life mass killing of innocent people in Gaza is unjustifiable. The disregard of Palestinian lives on such a grand scale is baffling. It says to me, Israeli lives are more important than Palestinian lives. It says to me, as long as Hamas is defeated, those people don’t matter.
The back and forth about the how, why and what of the Israel-Palestine conflict is complex. I’ve been told that to truly grasp what is happening in Gaza, there are many different and connected parts of the long-standing conflict to understand. I’ve read that people who are not Israeli, Palestinian, or Jewish should keep their hot takes to themselves, because many people are uninformed, undereducated, or highly influenced by propaganda machines. I can see that. But in a world where objective truth becomes harder and harder to find, sifting out what is real is challenging. Where hard facts are lacking there is emotion and reactivity. Depending on who you ask or where you look, there is a different answer for who, what, when, and why. As an outsider, all of the details start to meld together, forming an abstract and convoluted concept of ownership and divine right.
What is often described as a complex conflict, to me seems very simple. All you have to do is zoom out to the big truth of the matter which is that no group of people is deserving of oppression and systemic violence.
Yes, there remains a call by Hamas for the full and complete liberation of Palestine, by means of the annihilation of Israel. Yes, Israeli hostages are still held captive.
Yes, I abhor and condemn all acts of terror by Hamas and can see no peaceful resolution in which Hamas remains in power. Even so, it is possible to call for an end to the relentless bombing of the Gaza strip. Palestinians are more than collateral. They are more than a collection of body parts in a mass grave. They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, soccer players, readers, geography buffs, artists, poets, doctors, animal lovers, storytellers, collectors, gardeners, and everything else you could imagine for someone you love. They deserve to live.
this essay captured a point of view that I hadn’t heard from yet and i think everyone could learn something from this writing.
